Homemaking: A Graceful Vocation

Why homemakers should stop apologizing for being "just a stay at home mom"

Celebrating a first birthday in New York, and my 14th year as a homemaker.

Today is the feast day of St. Alphonsus Liguori, Catholic patron saint of vocations.

I’d like to signify the inauguration of my first New York-written post by writing an encouraging note to all you stay at home mothers called to the grace-filled vocation of homemaking.

My fellow stay at home mama and sister in Christ, if you're a Catholic mother who's been called to homemaking as your vocation, I thank God for you, and praise God with you!

This is your reminder that you, as the light of your home, have the greatest and most impactful role, of all.

Those who reject your significance as a homemaker may question your underlying motives, your ethical values, even your inherent worth and value as a woman - all because you’re “just a stay at home mom”.

Many will mock you, feel sorry for you, even ridicule you.

Perhaps you yourself might feel apologetic, regretful, doubtful, embarrassed and ashamed for not having a "real job".

I’m certainly familiar with how stay at home moms give excuses immediately when they're asked, "So what do you do? Where do you work?"

I know this because I used to do this too: act sheepishly about being a homemaker.

I admit, I too have found myself over-explaining and over-justifying my calling to stay home with my kids - eager to not be looked down on for my stay at home mom status.

How many of us shyly say when asked about our future as a homemaker, "Ah, this is just in the meantime! I plan on going back when the kids are older, of course."

We even try to sound smart and explain, "Well, childcare is just so expensive right?! It totally makes more sense for me to stay home for now."

Our hearts then twist inside with a twinge of shame for not saying something more impressive - because we believe as we've been subconsciously pressured by modern society - that only money-paying jobs outside our homes have meaning, have merit, have power.

So we feel like if we explain rightly (and right away!) the economical and efficient reasons for staying home with our kids, then we can get that nod of approval and understanding from others - so we can feel that we are in fact, making a good and wise decision to become a homemaker.

Why do we do this, sisters?

Why are we so awkward about explaining and defending why we're stay at home moms?

How do we face this pervasive cultural - even internal - devaluing of homemakers?

If you're a homemaker struggling with self-confidence, self-value, and self-worth because you gave up a career in the workforce to stay home with your kids, this heartfelt message is for you.

If you've ever felt embarrassed, uneasy, self-conscious, guilty, or flustered about having to tell people you're a stay at home mom, and why you are so, this encouragement is for you.

Take a breath sister, and warmly take note:

You do not, and should not, need to feel badly about your vocation as a stay at home mama.

Sister, don't denounce or belittle yourself as a homemaker.

Please don’t fall for others shaming you for it, either.

Instead, declare your ministry proudly and joyfully, without the high-pressure litany of explanation.

Next time you're asked, “So what do you do?”

Say gladly, “I'm a homemaker, a full-time homemaker actually. I love it, and I thank God for it!”

Say confidently, “I've been called to be a stay at home mom. It’s the hardest, but the greatest thing I’ll ever do.”

Getting to care for your children fully and daily, is a gift from God, so radiate with joy when you reveal your vocation as a homemaker.

Homemaking isn't for everyone, and unless you've been called to this ministry, it just won’t make sense.

Surprisingly, even years after you've made the decision to be a stay at home mama, you still might continue to question if you’re doing the right thing.

Is homemaking impossibly hard? Yes.

Is it lonely? The loneliest.

Is it scary to be a single-income family? Sometimes nothing feels scarier.

But remember, there’s a soul-enriching reason you've been called to homemaking.

God placed this vocation in your heart for a spiritual purpose.

It's not an easy decision to be made lightly or unprayerfully.

It's certainly not a popular choice.

But I know that being a homemaker is the most important job we'll ever have as a woman.

It doesn’t matter how lucrative, impressive, or secure any other job in the world out there makes you feel.

No other role outside your home will ever be more crucial than your calling as a homemaker.

Rest in that.

Sister, I've been a homemaker for almost 15 years, and I cannot tell you all the demeaning comments I've heard over the years for being a stay at home mom - indirectly from our culture and the media, astonishingly from strangers, but also sadly, even from friends and family members.

Maybe they never plainly tell you to your face that they look down on you, but they sigh and roll their judgy eyes and they hum and grimace at you in a way that you can just tell.

They don't agree, they don't understand, and they clearly don't support your lifestyle.

They cringe and act like they would never, they could never be like you.

We must ignore such cold and ignorant rejection.

Because the Lord knows what’s best for you, and for your family.

Whether you consider yourself a stay at home mom temporarily, or identify (as I do) as a homemaker definitely, my heart is a place of understanding for you.

In case you haven't heard lately mama:

You are beloved and worthy as a stay at home mom.

So rejoice, that you are a homemaker.

There will never be enough thankfulness for your selflessness.

You sacrifice your worldly life so you can devote yourself wholly to the caring of your family and nurturing of your home.

What a holy path you walk.

You are called by the Lord, to travel on your own spiritual journey as a Catholic homemaker.

In these anti-spiritual times, although we’re confronted and bombarded with an oppressive cancel culture against traditional family values, we live out our vocation anyway.

We can’t submit to this non-Godly society that depreciates our vocation as homemakers.

Don't let other people's decisions about their own family dynamics dissuade you or discourage you from following the calling with which God has entrusted you.

So stay true and steadfast to your ministry.

God has summoned you and me to be a stay at home mother - and for this gracious privilege, we praise Him, together.

Today, on the feast day of Saint Alphonus Liguori, our Catholic patron saint of vocations, I pray for you and your graceful vocation as a homemaker.

Remember, your role as a mother and a homemaker is a real job.

But more essential to know, your role as a homemaker is indeed a calling, a ministry, a vocation.

Truly, there are unspeakable hardships in this world.

Evil forces scramble to divide our marriage and family life.

The cyclical demands of running a home can feel never-ending.

Yet you - empowered by the Holy Spirit - somehow still strive to nurture your children, foster a faithful family life with your husband, and build a virtuous home rooted in our beautiful Catholic traditions.

Here’s to all the Catholic homemakers reading this. You might feel restless, unappreciated, unseen, forgotten, and forsaken.

But God knows your heart, and God sees your work.

Your faithfulness to the Lord and your devotion to your family matters most.

Your humble vocation as a homemaker sanctifies you.

So keep going my graceful sister, keep mothering, keep homemaking.

Fiat!

Khristine

For with God nothing will be impossible.” And Mary said, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her. - Luke 1:37-38